just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
