Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
