did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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