It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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