I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
