So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
