Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
