One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How does one acquire holy water?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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