tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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