I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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