i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
