We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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