READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
