So drunk its hurt
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
