There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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