you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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