Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
