how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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