do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
