I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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