I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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