she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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