Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Blood and glitter go together right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
