And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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