he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
