I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
