I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
