if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
someone owes me an orgasm
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Terrible idea I love it
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
