Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
porn star boner night. come get it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
