I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
