I'm drive I can fine osifer
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
