did you get engaged???
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
