just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
