I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
