i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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