as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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