How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize