Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
