She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize