Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
