look no pants
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
