I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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