I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
