ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
