Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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