His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
