Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
