Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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