Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
