Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
