What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
