I accidentally had phone sex last night
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
