I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
