What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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