Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
