He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
