I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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