how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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