Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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