Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
