weddingsv make me drug and hornr
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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