Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
