if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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