mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
