It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
