Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
