fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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