Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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