I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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