don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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