it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My penis needs a shock collar
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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