He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
