Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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