Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
two words...techno handjob
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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