Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize