Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
